It is now eleven weeks since Marg died and, thanks to Bonhoeffer, I think I see the end of the valley of the shadow of death.

For the first few weeks I thought of it in terms of making a new life without my beloved partner for over sixty years. That, Bonhoeffer showed me, was the wrong way to go about it. “There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not attempt to do so. At first that sounds very hard but at the same time it is also of great comfort. For to the extent that the emptiness remains unfilled, one remains connected to the other person through it. Gratitude transforms the torment of memory … and thus helps to preserve – even in pain – the authentic relationship.”

In other words, forget about trying to fill the space. It is impossible, so why try to do it? Marg will, as Bonhoeffer puts it, “remain a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain, with gratitude transforming the torment of memory into silent joy”.

I am not for a moment suggesting everyone should see it this way. It is simply how I now see it. I don’t quite know how to express it. I still am in relationship with Maggie!

There is no need for re-incarnation, or a heaven of some kind. As the old saying puts it “To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.”

And there is nothing new about this! The bible is full of it, albeit stated in the language and context and the imagery of when it was written. It is what resurrection is all about.

Thanks Bonhoeffer! And thanks Maggie – for the memory!